I never want to write but so often feel I should. So many thoughts & lessons pile up. Right now I'm resting after a long day with Cal in Dundee checking out the hospital. David just fell playing tag with Susan on the front patio, ripping his jeans & his knee--so after a hair trim he's soaking in my bath tub. He is a dear boy after all--It's just that he keeps me so busy correcting all the naughtiness that I haven't a chance to see his better attributes. He's growing up so fast & craves autonomy. But he doesn't deserve it yet--shows too much irresponsibility just yet. Two chickens are roasting in the oven for dinner. It has been a sunny day and the late afternoon light is streaming into my bedroom. The violet Cal bought me our first week here so brilliant in the sunlight.

We saw the baby today. Could have know the sex but chose not to. The baby looked healthy & active & measured 23+ weeks. They were scanning every woman who came through the clinic--it is a teaching hospital & an experienced doctor was training a student doctor to scan. I thought even that the face--what we could see of it, reminded me of Peter or maybe Kilby. What a wonder it was to see our wee one moving around inside me. Other than that, our time at the hospital was quite a waste of time. They took over two hours to gather information I could have given in 20 minutes! Cal says it's jobs that are important & the bureaucracy is established to provide & ensure jobs. I'm not sure that completely accounts for it all; I am sure the free market works more efficiently, more cleanly. The hospital gave us the creeps & seemed dirty. Of course we didn't see behind the closed doors of the wards...


Written on the bottom of my journal (which Craig Lyon gave me before we went to Scotland) are verses. I have underlined Proverbs 4:23 which leads into the next comment.


Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. How cluttered they make childbirth. Reading all the posters & magazines just depressed me. So much false knowledge. So much "scientific" interference. How much nicer to know God is creating life within me--it is His project--He's given me mine in keeping the rest of the family fed & clothed & educated. I can leave long clinic lines & worldly childbirth literature behind & go forth in joy, carrying this life until He causes it to issue forth. Cal & I noticed how gray & unhealthy everyone looks to us around here. Would this me a missionfield for the likes of Nancy [my midwife from Arkansas] & others? Teaching people how to eat healthily, to live healthily? I'm amazed to see so little plain food in the stores, or plain food in large quantities. Everything seems processed & prepared. And I find a little difficulty in preparing things from scratch--certainly baking isn't the same. With so many bakeries near I've given it up but for an occasional loaf of French bread. But even the meat cooks a bit differently from what I'm used.

We found the director of midwives, Miss Hogg, to ask for a reference for Sharon M., our new midwife. It was nearly impossible to get a direct answer from her. She wanted us to make an appt. to talk over home delivery. We finally communicated that all we wanted to know was if Sharon was competent. She didn't seem to want to vouch for her, everyone is so afraid of being held accountable! But she did say she'd managed one of Sharon's home births. At least we know she's done them successfully then.

Actually, later asking Sharon for refs. she could only give me one that she'd done & the woman reported that Sharon was on the phone with the hospital nearly the entire time. Not at all a comforting recommendation.