Psalm 42

When I was a youth, my father insisted that I spend my chore time in the laundry room memorizing. He chose for me Psalm 42. I resented his intrusion into my selfish space. But I had to obey, however begrudgingly. Throughout my life I have blessed God for that childish exercise. I could not have known while I was rehearsing "For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast" at twelve years old, ironing my brothers' shirts, what these words meant or would mean thirty and forty years of life experiences later. I come, in His providence, to the same passage in my daily reading. And today again it is a good word to me. So, remembering my father's instruction, sinner though he also was, I record his faithfulness here today. May I so guide my children.

¹ As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
³ My tears have been my food day and night,
While they continually say to me,
“Where is your God?”

⁴ When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
For I used to go with the multitude;
I went with them to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and praise,
With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.

⁵ Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.

⁶ O my God, my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,
And from the heights of Hermon,
From the Hill Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
⁸ The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me—
A prayer to the God of my life.

⁹ I will say to God my Rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
¹⁰ As with a breaking of my bones,
My enemies reproach me,
While they say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

¹¹ Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.

A day in the life at Prescott

Sunday night.
March 22, 2009

We watched Extreme House Makeover together. That show is a picture of God's goodness to us, but there is no acknowledgement of God. Of His providence. It really becomes the ultimate in humanistic idolatry. Yet I love the picture it is that when we get to our mansions in heaven we also will be surprised and joyful and amazed and thankful and in wonder as are the recipients of these shows. But it won't be for our incredible mansions. It will because we see the Lamb in His Beauty and understand more fully His love for us and all that He did for us. (Pastor Charlie Perkins made a great point in today's sermon about how it is impossible to understand God's glory apart from self-interest. The gospel makes no sense except that it is covenantally involving self-interest. He argued with a couple quotes of Jonathan Edwards, with trepidation, but confidence in his position.)

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, only you can save our dear ones and I pray you do.

Gloria came by while I was on the phone with Cal tonight to complain that many of their friends (?)told them that they could not reach her, and she believed it was because I was on the phone so much. Then I remembered we installed CALL WAITING, so I explained that to her. She seemed satisfied. I showed her and Kim how it works when I got off the phone with Cal, but I will be surprised if they can learn it.

While I had been on the phone earlier with Susan, Betsy Berry called and before I could take the call to Gloria, she introduced herself as one from UMC. But she seems to have a real belief in the Lord. She wanted to encourage me and thank me for what we were doing. I told her that I would so much like to recruit a large list of old church friends who would be willing to come by from time to time to help out by sitting with Gloria, or giving Kim and Gloria something else to do than watch trash tv. She seemed surprised and delighted that Kim should be taking care of Gloria.

I see this change in Kim and didn't realize what a change it really was. Betsy seemed incredulous that it could happen. But I do see it. Kim seems to be taking more responsibility for watching over her. Could it be that the Holy Spirit is changing her? Could it be that He used my example of selfless service of the past week? I would pray that it is so. (This is so cool to be writing at a computer, and such a nice one, instead of taking longer to write it out by hand!)

I heard just tidbits of arguments between K & G tonight and wonder if Kim has been on the receiving end of Gloria's dementia. As I heard her scold Kim I wondered if that might lie behind Kim's desire not to serve her, not to have her back, which, though I can't know, I intuited was the case, encouraged by Jim's comment last month that Kim was not worried about her mom dying, only about her life changing. How shall I prepare Kim for Gloria's phase of frustration and misplaced anger? How shall Kim keep it an understood secret if I do tell her? These are matters for prayer. God, give us wisdom, please.

The Lord has been so kind to me during these different weeks. Each day has been so hard in its peculiar way, but I know God's presence. I don't necessarily FEEL it, but I know it, and that is far better. Yesterday, after Gloria turned on me and "took control" of her home health care, ordering me to stay in my room (!) I went out for a number of errands. In the middle of it all I found the home of Kaaren Weber. She invited me in and I unloaded over a cup of tea. After twenty minutes she prayed for me. It was a great blessing to find her oasis in the middle of such turmoil. My stomach has been aching a lot as I face the situation here.

But perhaps that is what the enemy wants. I so didn't want to come home from church today. I steeled myself as I turned the handle of the back door. Both Kim and Gloria sang out hellos. I sat down with them for just a moment. When I said that I thought I would take a nap, Gloria heartily encouraged me. So heartily, I imagined that she really wanted me gone. And I did have a nap. A deep and restful one. When I woke, not an hour later, I felt the depth and rest that makes you want to turn over and just fall deeper into it. So I did. When I woke I listened some to Jeremy's sermon on wisdom, dreading interfacing with them. I opened my door a crack, but got nothing but Sam's bark. Eventually I realized Kim was taking one of her twice-weekly showers. Gloria had walked down the hall to see if she were okay.

Enough of the paranoia, I decided to go out and serve however I could, taking command of dinner before Gloria asked to help (we must not let her handle food until we can be assured she is no longer infectious, and only if she will submit to being reminded to wash well before preparations). I reheated the extra chicken from last night and made a salad and an hors d'oeuvre plate of broccoli and dip. Oh, how I'm longing for crunchy, green veggies! And soon I realize that all of my fear about their dislike of me or the situation is just to discourage me from doing what is right. So I do what is right, with my heart in my throat, hoping that there will be pleasantness, and God be praised, mostly there is.

Tomorrow I take Gloria to the doctor's office. Kim goes to Lionnesses. They may appreciate being apart from one another.

Thank you, Lord, for this good day. Thank you for PPC. Thank you for Gertrude and Thelma and Kaaren and Rachel and Carolyn (I really liked her!) and Mary Jane and Kay ( I also really liked her) and Ginny (and her). What a great group of people. And what a good teacher Charlie is. Thank you, thank you. You knew this was here and provided it for us. May Kilby grow here and love the congregation. Thank you for the truly biblical, reverent, edifying worship. Please, Lord, bless this congregation, bless and build this church for Your glory. Encourage them to persevere in righteousness. Thank you that the ladies of the this house retire so early and that there is more life here in this small bedroom. Please bless it to Kilby and bless her life and forgive me for giving in to fears of imprisonment and discontent. And Lord, someday soon, after a few more good lessons, bring her her husband.

A Loose Page from my journal box

Perhaps Daughtie Susan can help me pinpoint the year. The month must have been September:

Classes started today. Dana's Shurley Grammar class and Covenant College convocation. Sisi arrived at 8 to begin homeschooling with us and we'd slept in and were not quite ready. But doggedly plunged in, doing what we could. Explained to the children how long it takes a ship to turn at sea amd hoped they would understand --especially Sisi--that each day this week would not reflect what our days ought to be. It will take time to get curriculum and shelves sorted out. But yesterday we got farther than I could have guessed we could. Joe Thacker and Bryan Walker came for spaghetti before they helped Cal and David move the church organ. While they were gone, Susan and I worked to get the living room stripped and washed. Then Joe and Bryan stayed till after 10 helping us reorganize the furniture--finally working out a good solution by moving out the Andreves' bookcase. Went to bed with living room and dining room a mess. But by mid-morning today everyone was working quietly and both rooms were clean and organized. Today I played an animal identification game with the little kids while Dana taught. Am considering teaching the little kids alphabet and phonics during grammar class if I can pick up from kids what they're learning from Dana. More to write but Cal's come to bed.