This entry follows the last one by over a year. I think it is before the time that Cal is made an elder at which time we begin to carry a greater burden for the spiritual needs at the church, and a few months after a miscarriage. AJ would have been 2 and Grace 15 months old.

The time to write is so rare that I don't know what to do with it.

Re: the feeling of alienation at church. Perhaps if we could be asked to pray for the real spiritual needs of the people, to help carry the burden the the Ss must. I guess it is what the elders do. Or is it just a sinful desire to be "in the know"? Should I not just be content with serving the Lord with what He daily puts in front of me--my family, my neighborhood, those on my heart. Still, I feel as though so much I could do for church members in the way of prayer, exhortation, encouragement goes undone because of not knowing the needs. Father, give me meekness, humility, and a heart to serve You just where you want me.

Relieved two days ago to get another period. It helps me rest on God's goodness. He knows my willingness to bear Him another child. But also my dread at doing more. Today what sweetness watching dear little Arthur John, his blond eyelashes & brows, his blue eyes with unusual irises, his fine features, whispering to me as I held Grace asleep in my bed. What beautiful children. What blessings still unfolding. We see how David & Susan are developing, and the others take such attention, that it is easy to miss these little ones. God, please help us love them all. And how I delight in their joy when they greet each other. AJ finally woke her with his voice and after waking enough to get past crying, Grace nearly knocked him over with her hugs. She is such a good hugger. She must hug me each morning while I dress her, demanding, hugging as hard as her strong little arms can do.

Had Christian neighbors in to dinner today. The wife due to deliver a baby tomorrow. But Cal & I both concerned at hurting remarks they throw at each other.