I left the church during the last hymn tonight in tears. Only David, who was already at the van with the babies who I'd taken out & spanked & carseated, saw me. And Alice who came to explain why she hadn't come for dinner. She said she'd pray for me. It is weariness at being without Cal, of disciplining the children & so ineffectively so constantly, of disappointment (or self-pity?) that some people never even talk to me, much less help me with a practical hand or a word of encouragement. I prayed for help & we were through with makeshift "Ramen Alfredo" by 8 p.m. The kids are now in bed & Becky here with me reading her Addy book. I pray, Lord, not only to get through this week, but to do so with more success than the piles & baskets & clutter around my room right now bespeak of last week's. I pray, Lord, for energy of body & of heart, for cheerfulness, for ability to guide the children. I pray for safety & a certain return of Cal. And I pray earnest for the salvation of my children for

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. John 6:63

Tuesday. What a day. God's mercies are new every morning. And His mercies of grace never cease to amaze me, to humble me. Last night as I lay suffering the worst pain yet with my throat & ear, remembering the chaos of the day, the pains of the day, the disorder & confusion; wanting to be able to sleep in--to draw only my children around me & do what I wanted--but unable to because Jon Cordes would be back, Mallie is with us, Sisi & Bethany wanted to come over--as I lay there discouraged & dreading the morrow I may have prayed for grace. And waking at 11:22 p.m. & 6:30 a.m. to phone calls for Mallie. The Lord kept reminding me of His sovereignty & my need to submit to it with grace & humility. And He gave me grace to do it. I woke this a.m. before six. Got up when Mallie's phone call woke Grace & got ahead of everything. All the children were groomed & fed before Jon ever came & with David off early to mow 3 yards & the children back in their routines. And the sun was out so they could play outdoors. And I changed B & K's schooling to simply reading a fairly long passage of their choice to me out of their Bibles. Took David to Arnolds' at 2--he would help Dean w/yardwork--& picked up Bethany who would help me with the children at Mountain Maze while we waited through K & S's piano lessons. We had supper at 5:30 after Lili took Sisi home (who'd come just before 2) with the Arnolds' kids (so they could go out) then David & I returned to Arnolds' to put Tabitha to bed. My throat is getting better I think & I'm going to sleep before ten. I'm so sleepy. Jon will be done tomorrow & it looks so nice.

Blessed is every one who fears the LORD, who walks in His ways. Psalm 128:1