I left the church during the last hymn tonight in tears. Only David, who was already at the van with the babies who I'd taken out & spanked & carseated, saw me. And Alice who came to explain why she hadn't come for dinner. She said she'd pray for me. It is weariness at being without Cal, of disciplining the children & so ineffectively so constantly, of disappointment (or self-pity?) that some people never even talk to me, much less help me with a practical hand or a word of encouragement. I prayed for help & we were through with makeshift "Ramen Alfredo" by 8 p.m. The kids are now in bed & Becky here with me reading her Addy book. I pray, Lord, not only to get through this week, but to do so with more success than the piles & baskets & clutter around my room right now bespeak of last week's. I pray, Lord, for energy of body & of heart, for cheerfulness, for ability to guide the children. I pray for safety & a certain return of Cal. And I pray earnest for the salvation of my children for

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. John 6:63